Final: Stats, Rants, Tips and Wrap-up December 7th

Back in Mill Valley and the road trip is completed. If it weren't for the nasty weather, this roadrat would still be rolling. Which brings me to:

RANT #1: After living very adequately for 3 1/2 months out of my car, so to speak, I feel that we, all of us, have way too much "stuff" (clothes too) that we really don't need. And we spend a lot of time taking care of that stuff, moving it from one room to another, organizing it (or intending to), buying other stuff, then stuffing that stuff into stuff containers before storing the stuff wherever stuff gets stored. This stuff takes a lot of time, and then we wonder where all our time went to.

My stuff sits comfortably in my house waiting what it thinks will be my petting, caressing and undivided attention. But, I'm approaching my home like a barbarian laying siege. I will show no mercy and will take no prisoners. Stuff will go.

We acquire all this stuff to help us define who we are, but I suspect the opposite may be true - it merely masks the truth.

STATS: # of nights on the road: 106
               # of beds I slept in: 50 (don't ask)

ITEM: Every town in America has a car dealer with the largest selection and the lowest prices - guaranteed; and a furniture store going out of business, with huge savings.

TOURING TIP: Chinese restaurants (and they are ubiquitous) are the healthy oases in a sea of Denny's. They can steam some fresh assorted vegetables for you.

RANT #2: There are too many damn Jesus radio stations in this country. There, I've said it, and I'm sticking to it. I'm always leery of people telling me what God thinks, and downright suspicious when they claim God speaks to them directly. Who installed their hotline? And if the truth of the Bible were so self-evident, then why do we need these self-righteous blowhards to interpret it for us?

I'm convinced this country would not be facing the problems it has if there were more news stations so people would be intelligently informed. But, a good news station on the road is as rare as a cold Bud in Pigeon Forge. Thank God for NPR, when you can get it.

ITEM: From rodeos to Rodeo Drive, from gin mills to windmills, from Tribeca to Mecca (CA), from Fermi to Goddard, from bison to Buffalo (NY), from Sun Valley to Valley of the Sun, from caves to cabarets, and from Hemingway to Broadway, this trip could be considered successful only in that I avoided Utah.

STATS: # of library cards required before I could use their computers: 2 (Syracuse, NY and Duarte, CA)
               # of hotel clerks I bribed to use their computer: 2

RANT #3: Cities are becoming too congested. There's no such thing anymore as commuting in the opposite direction, it's still jammed. Those commuting in one direction should change places with people going in the other direction. I thought the computer revolution would prompt a commuter revolution, allowing people to work from home; but it's only getting worse. (All cities except Manhattan, of course, where you don't need a car)

TOURING TIP: Generally, tourist and visitor centers in town are manned by LOLs dispensing only superficial knowledge. The best information sources are les concierges at the quality hotels (whether you're staying there or not). They can cheerfully recommend everything from barbershops to theater seats to precise directions, etc, etc. Terrific people.

ITEM: As wondrous and grand as this country's mountains and valleys are, it's hard to imagine that the Earth would be smoother than a billiard ball if it were shrunk to that size.

STATS: # of states I visited: 21
               # of countries: 2 (if you don't count Arkansas)

TOURING TIP: It's best to visit museums in the evening if possible, when there are fewer people. If you must go during the day, plan on leaving by 4:00 at the latest. That's the bitching hour, when children get cranky, and couples start getting annoyed with each other.

STATS: # of time I played golf: 18
               # of strokes I averaged: way too many

RANT #4: Simply stated, the American Indians were a primitive people. In spite of living on this land for ten to twenty thousand years, they never advanced much beyond a primitive way of life, whether it be in religion, music, dance, art, farming, hunting, building, etc.

That's not to imply their history doesn't deserve the respect or consideration which should be shown to all peoples but, unfortunately, white Americans today view the Indians through guilt-tinted glasses. Because they were routed by the settlers (most perished by disease), we have the apologetic tendency to pay reverence to these people, to venerate them, and to falsely imbue their earthly simplicity with a kind of 'Walden Pond' wisdom. In point of fact, for millennia they were, by and large, a warring culture which got stoned a lot and never exhibited much inventiveness or creativity.

This in no way exonerates the white man for ravaging the Earth and almost blowing up the planet, but there are very few people indeed who would trade in their cell phones and central heating for tom toms and a tepee in the middle of Kansas, the Indians included.

TOURING TIP: The best source of entertainment in most cities can be found in the free throw-away newspapers available at 7/11's, bookstores, etc. (like the Bay Guardian in San Francisco and The Village Voice in New York). They're very thorough and include the arts, pop, theater, events, lectures, etc. and with better reviews usually than the Sunday entertainment sections in the local newspapers.

STATS: # of miles, start to finish: 11,893.5 (but who's counting)
               # of gallons of refined Arabian black gold: 518.065

TOURING TIP: The most important thing to pack is patience. Things go wrong at times, stuff happens, expect 'road work ahead'. Relax. Eat some chocolate and howl at the moon.

WRAP-UP: Well, I've wasted enough electrons in these comments. Now that I've offended most everyone, I apologize to those I haven't and will try to include you in future travel comments. In the meantime, Happy Holidays to all and to all a goodnight. Thanks, everyone was great. Joe