Florida # 2
(11-07-2004)

KEY WEST

Remember that one fleeting moment, when you sat on a sun-drenched breezy tropical veranda, lifted an umbrella-festooned rum drink to your lips, and felt everything was just right? Welcome to Key West, America’s cool second cousin, the guy who hangs out all day, not a care in the world, and enjoys life like we all think we will one day. It’s a Bohemian/artsy community mixed with the best Caribbean spirits, seasoned with the tolerance of a priest, and spiked with the sensuality of a warlock. John Dos Passos described it as “looking like something in a dream.” Here you find your soul.

The inhabitants call it the Conch Republic. About twenty years ago, they ‘seceded’ from the Union, declared themselves a third world country, requested foreign aid, and then partied all week. My kind of people.

It’s a relatively small island, but with a beautiful coral reef offshore, the only coral reef in the U.S. In the 1800s, they did so well in rescuing cargo from ships which collided with the reef that Key West was the richest per-capita city in the country. Eventually, it become home to the Cuban cigar makers, then shrimp (pink gold) and tourism. It’s been home to Hemingway, Lindbergh, Ralph Ellison, John Hersey and Shel Silverstein. In fact, Harry Truman spent 175 days of his presidency here. Show Me a better place.

I hung out for a day or so, and wish I had more time to spend here. For me, it’s another ‘must return’ (like Aspen and Kentucky), but next time I’ll plan it for the Goombay Festival – clothing optional.

THE EVERGLADES

It’s called the “river of grass” because it’s not a swamp, it’s a river flowing slowly through, well, grass. Driving the Tamiami Trail (Highway 41), I naturally did the tourist thing. I took an airboat ride through the glades, got to hold a real live alligator (yuck) and saw the dominant male alligator in the area. Looks a little like Schwarzenegger.

It’s a million acres and contains everything from mosquitoes to panthers. Unfortunately, because of human encroachment and pesticides, the ‘glades are shrinking and the wildlife is becoming endangered. (Miami used to be part of the Everglades, but that was 5,000 years ago). Alligators and other creatures are being found with severe genetic defects. There’s been a massive effort to reverse this trend; however it’s a battle which may be lost. Population expansion may become the victor. Yet, the Everglades is still the biggest wilderness east of the Mississippi.

For me, the Everglades is somewhat of a dreary place. It’s flat for miles around, and all one can see is grass, a few trees and hammocks, small mounds that formed naturally and where the Indians used to live. Many of the present day Indians live in government built housing, but still cook outside as their ancestors did. Most have never used the stove. But they’re given relatively free range to hunt and fish in the ‘glades; habits die had. The Everglades: nice place to visit, but….

SANIBEL AND CAPTIVA ISLANDS

These are two upscale islands just north of Naples and Ft Myers, catering to the well-to-do tree-hugger crowd. The islands are quite small and were formed only 100,000 years ago, as uplift from the ocean floor. As a result, they’re composed mostly of seashells, and ‘shelling’ along the beach is one of the popular tranquil pastimes. Whoop-dee-doo. However, there are no traffic lights, and only one fast food joint, grandfathered in. Now that’s something.

The causeway, connecting the mainland, was built about twenty years ago and, fearing tourism, caused quite a bit of apprehension for the residents. Somehow they managed, and a larger bridge is being built. Unfortunately, Captiva was hit quite hard by the recent hurricanes and, while the structures held, the trees have created a huge mess. They expect to get everything back to normal by next year sometime. If you’re looking to do nothing at all, this is the place to do it.

TAMPA, ST. PETE, AND THE SUN COAST

This is da place! Sarasota to Tampa, this area has it all. Sun, beauty, seashores, golf, restaurants, weather, you name it. Thanks to Paul (and Mia in absence) for the tour of Sarasota. Great times. I’m impressed with the entire west coast of Florida.

Part of Tampa is Ybor City, the historic section that was famous for its Cuban cigar makers who came from Key West, and before that, Cuba. The hand rolled cigar industry eventually died out due to automation and union demands and the small museum there has the whole story. But what’s interesting is that the museum is an old bakery that was built in 1896 and became famous for its Cuban bread. Two large ovens are still intact and, at its peak, it was producing 35,000 loaves per week. So who started this bakery, and eventually passed it on to his five sons? Why, a Sicilian of course, Francisco Ferlita. I never did get an answer as to what Cuban bread is; maybe you can help. (And don’t say pesos)

The Salvador Dali Museum in St. Pete is quite large and well done. The guy was an auto-erotic, a voyeur, and, of course, a flamboyant egotist. He once refused to take a final exam in art school, claiming that he was smarter and more advanced than the professors, and they should not be judging him. Regardless of the distinctive mark he made in the world of art, he never felt it would be sufficient to put him in the pantheon of great artists unless he worked in the classical motif. So towards the end of his career, he painted five or six huge murals, each with a classical theme, but exhibiting none of the oneiric images which characterized his earlier life work. And these murals are loaded with symbolism, historic and spiritual, just waiting for a Dan Brown type novelist to do his thing. I got a feeling that Dali will be remembered for a very long time, a ‘persistence of memory’, if you’ll forgive me.

Getting back to the Sun Coast and, yes, I would like to get back there. This area and all of Florida is Booming. Expansion is proceeding at a rate that is hard to fathom. When the hurricanes hit, and watching the news stories while in New York, I got the feeling that we had only forty-nine states left. Just the opposite is true. Every area I visited has more construction going on than any place I’ve seen in the U.S. As Paul suggested, this is merely the initial phase of the baby boomers’ retirement, and this is the prime state there heading to, so it’s going to increase even more. It’s all about weather, along with no state income tax. Humidity and mosquitoes? Just a ploy to keep the growth manageable

Contributing, it’s also the place where the Snow Birds from the northern states buy their winter homes and condos. And, of course, it’s just a matter of time before the major issues of transportation, utilities, low income housing, community mix, and all the other potential problems start having an impact. But for now, it’s ideal. I hope I’m not sounding like the Chamber of Commerce, but it has what Arizona doesn’t have, a vast shoreline with terrific beaches and lots of greenery. Florida is an excellent place to hang your chad.

NOTICE: Not a word about Disneyworld, nor should there be. Orlando is the mid-America tourist Mecca and Disneyworld is the tomb with mouse ears, the place where typical tourist parents indoctrinate their little consumer trainees, then put the pictures on the refrigerator door as a reminder of their mindless ignorance. Oops, is this the beginning of another rant? Sorry.

Instead, it’s so nice outside; I think I’ll play a little golf (a game for the truly mindless ignoramus) then head back up to New York to recover my camera equipment stolen by the NYPD, and to sign up for the class action suit against them. Then, at the end of November, it’s back down south again, for the southern route back west. Stay tuned.